My ode to Maverick......

Oh Maverick, how do I love thee? First off let me explain how she got her name, it is pretty simple...she is a Honda Pilot and my TOTALLY KICK ASS ROCKING SISTER Jodi dubbed her Maverick, only cuz Goose was a douche (Pilot, Top Gun, get it, get it?)....Anyway....anyone that knows me, knows I love my car.....like L O V E my car....she is beautiful and harm has befallen her. *choke sob sigh*. It is with great despair and sadness that I write this post and I know a few of you will get choked up (Diggity, get some kleenex I know she means alot to you)  *Exhale* Here goes:

Last night while I was rocking faces and being super kick ass, some douche-grenade (Thanks Kristen) decided he was gonna be TOTALLY SUPER AWESOME AND KICK ASS and throw a boulder.....NOT a rock but a BOULDER thru her perfectly tinted back window...Oh Maverick, the pain you must have felt during this violation, I can only say I am sorry I wasn't there to protect you and that it won't happen again...Anyhoo, normally when I am about to leave I use my remote start so she is all nice and toasty for me to crawl in and enjoy a superbly smooth ride home, so last night was no different...two clicks and she's ready to go. As I am walking out I notice she isn't turned on, obviously that was a fluke or a force of nature since I can turn any bitch on...regardless I click again and she smoothly starts up.  I say bye to my kick ass fellow employees and start walking towards her and admiring how her silver shines in the moonlight.....*sigh, oh, sorry ahem* I walk up, unlock and climb in...ahhh the seats of soft leather perfectly form to my bum and I sink down and slip in the key.....(jeez, I could totally write for Hustler don't ya think?) I go to plug in my phone to enjoy some Pandora thru the speakers (Thanks Marc) and I notice something is off....her rearview mirror is askew and then I feel a breeze...I slowly look back and OMG OMG OMG OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHHHHYYYYY GOD WHY?????? NOT MAVERICK!!! NO NO NO NO!!! SHE IS TOO YOUNG!!!

There was glass everywhere!!! I quickly jump out and yell for Marc and Dan, they come running to my her rescue. We all just stood there in shock. Marc tells me to call the cops so I do, then Kevin. Cops show up and take pictures, report, fingerprints, etc....Kevin shows up and we bring her to rest at his work....

Dan thinks someone tried to steal her due to her being turned on, broke the window, climbed in knocked the mirror and of course once they pushed the brake, she shut off and they climbed out. Today I noticed scratches all down the sides of her also...

So my thoughts on this ignorant, uneducated douche-canoe are this;
SERIOUSLY??? Are you that fuckin stupid that you think someone would leave a 20+ thousand dollar car just RUNNING AT A BAR?????? And SERIOUSLY did it not occur to you that even if you stole it you would now FREEZE YOUR SMALL NUTS OFF CUZ YOU BROKE A FUCKIN WINDOW???? Look dick brains, unless YOU own a glass shop pretty sure you would've been caught, since you would be driving a silver Honda Pilot with a broken fuckin window....and SERIOUSLY what would you have accomplished?????
 "Hey guys, I stole a really pimp car!"
 "Cool let's drive it"
 "Well, actually I can't"
"Why?"
CUZ THE WINDOW IS FUCKING BROKEN AND THE COPS WILL CATCH ME!!!!
And SERIOUSLY you are obviously fucking retarded and this is your first 'grand theft' since you threw a FUCKING BOULDER thru the window....never occurred to you to maybe watch Fast and the Furious maybe a few more times???? Cuz I have never stolen a car but even I know to try a coat hanger or some other non destructive way to steal a car before I just THROW A FUCKING BOULDER THRU THE WINDOW!!! Ok, I get that you think you are a professional due to the hours of Grand Theft Auto you play in your mother's basement while shoving Totino's Pizza rolls in your mouth at record speed.  SO I hate to break it too you, but that's pretend....it isn't real:( I know, I know, the graphics are AWESOME)  but while you see it as "Practicing" I see it as "wasting time" when you could be doing other things like; getting a job, finishing high school, getting your G.E.D, or banging a 'real girl', (No, jerking off to Lara Croft doesn't count). So here is the deal. You had 3 seconds of fun...or as your 'girlfriend' calls it, last night....and while you think you have completely ruined me, you forget I am older and have more insurance SO I will be fine, you however, will still be 'rockin faces' to Rock Band when your 50 AND be the butt of my jokes for months to come...And Maverick? Don't you worry about her, she will also be fine...cuz the smart bitches always prevail....but unfortunately for you, you aren't a smart bitch....you are just a bitch....