Why you don't sleep in when you have little ones..

In my last post, yes I know it was 10 minutes ago, I said I had funny stories about waking up late when you have kids. Here goes one.

I worked a double that day, Kevin had asked me not too knowing full well I would struggle to get up with the kids the next day.  I insisted, having a family with two kids living on a military budget you could always use the extra cash. 

Needless to say he was right.

I woke up at 11am the next morning in a sheer panic.  Ran downstairs and was shocked at what I saw.  Both my boys sitting in the recliner reading a book.  Thank god all is well.  I walk in the kitchen to make a pot of coffee and as im measuring the scoops I hear adams little voice say, “don’t Christian, you'll hurt his owie”  oh shit.  I go to walk back in the living room quickly glancing at the rat cage to find it empty, double shit.  I come in the living room to see the rat sittin with the boys, one rat.  Shit shit shit, I reach down to grab the rat and put him in his cage and immediately notice he is covered in what appears to be vasoline.  “umm adam what happened to the rat”,  “he got an owie, so we put medicine on it”.  “I then notice half the rats tale is missing.  My stomach drops.  I quickly give the little guy a bathroom sink bath and put him back in his cage.  I notice on the kitchen counter is a knife and the other half of the missing tail.  I start freaking out run back in the living room and ask adam what happened.  “umm adam what happened to his tail”  “I thought if you cut his tail, it will grow back”  “no adam that is only lizards”  “oh, (long pause) well can we glue it back”  “no adam he is only gonna have half a tail for the rest of his life.” 

Then somethings clicks.

“adam where is the other rat”?  “he got stuck in the chair, we cant find him”.  Ok at this point I officially flip out, scream at both of them to get in their rooms, frantically search the chair, although scared to death at what I will find.  Call Kevin at work in hysterics all he can understand is, knife, kids, chair.  So of course he steals a government vehicle to fly home, im sure thinking he is gonna find a murder scene.

He comes flying in the door to me screaming at the boys crying hysterically and chair, couch and all other furniture flipped upside down.  After him calming me down to the point of talking, I tell him the story and of course being a man he starts to laugh with one look at my face though quickly stops.  He searches all over the chair, all over the house, finds nothing.  Makes arrangements for the kids to go somewhere for the day and i'm sent back to bed to calm down. 

We looked for this damn rat for a week, as far as the other one, he was given to a friend.  A friend of ours (Carmen you remember this) needed a place to stay and as i'm pulling out the bed in our couch I notice, the rat has chewed a hole in the mattress of the pull out.

I promptly went to the store and bought a live animal trap.  I didn’t wanna kill it but I didn’t want a rat freely living in the house.  That damn bionic rat never got caught, he got the bait everytime but never got caught.  I had no choice I had to go with the trap.  I stopped at the store after work and bought some mouse traps.  I set them up and waited.  About 2 minutes go by and I hear the snap, I start crying.  I go over look at the trap, no rat.  That damn rat got the bait again but didn’t get caught.  I set it again and wait.  Same thing, well that happens 5 more times and now im pissed.  I take some chicken and a bread tie and rig that trap.  It's not set for no more then a minute and it goes off.  I walk over to the trap to see it set off with the little rat laying next to it…..not dead.  Unbeilivable, I run upstairs crying wake Kevin up and tell him he has to dispose of the half dead rat.  Mind you we live in housing, neighbors on all sides.  Im just going to give you the conversation and let you decide what you think.  I can't even imagine how this sounded to the innocent bystander.  By the way we were outside at this time.

Me (crying hysterically) “baby please you have to get rid of him, he is only half dead”

Kevin (half asleep in his underwear) “what do you want me to do, snap his neck”

Me “I don’t care but he isn’t dead all the way”

Kevin “I could smack his head on something”

Me “that’s awful”

Kevin “no you only half killing him is awful, I guess I can drown him in the pool”

Me “where will we put him after”

Kevin “dear we have to finish killing him before we decide where to bury him”

Me “fine just drown him, I want this to be over with”

Kevin “why don’t you go inside, I don’t think you can handle it”

Me “your right, just come get me when its over”

Ok, so if you were outside, and heard this I can only imagine what you would think.  Now here is the part where I realize men are somewhat retarded.  Kevin drowns the poor suffering rat in the pool, walks into the back door and drops the dead wet rat right on top of the kitchen trash, just right there.  I look at him like are you serious, I wont even bring up the health issues, but i'm pretty sure the kids are going to notice their once pet soaking wet and dead on the top of the trash.  Needless to say, we had no pets for quite a while.

So there you go, first story on why it is important to wake up when your kids do...laugh, and enjoy:)